Expectations

As I was sitting there rocking and nursing T to sleep tonight I started thinking.  I started thinking about how big he has gotten.  I started thinking about the fact that it probably won't be long before he no longer wants me to rock him to sleep (already if he wakes up when I set him down he rolls over, grabs his stuffed bunny and goes back to sleep).  But most of all, I started thinking about the last year and a bit since he was born*.

T was very proud to "finally" figure out how spoons work.

My kids are a little over 22 months apart and I love that.  I still remember when we told people we were expecting our second child the overwhelming response was something along the lines of "was this planned?" and "already?".  Everyone went on to warn us that it would be hard having two kids so close together because A still needed so much from me.  The thing is that T was very much "planned" and we were excited to have our kids close together.  We knew what we were getting into.  We knew that having two kids under two while DH was working full time and in grad school and while I was working part time from home would be downright crazy; especially since our family is pretty far away.  We also knew that my sister and I are only 21 months apart and very close because of it.  We felt it would be worth all of the work and crazy if our kids could grow up with the kind of bond that my sister and I share.  Thankfully, it wasn't as hard as I expected (though that isn't to say it wasn't/isn't very hard sometimes) and our kids are very close.

A showing T how puzzles work.

As I was rocking my sleeping boy tonight I started thinking about why it was that the last year didn't seem so hard.  In retrospect it really probably was quite hard, but I didn't see it that way at the time.  The only reason I can think of for this is what my expectations for this last year have been.  While I would have loved to have everything totally together before T was born, I knew that between being huge and pregnant in August and the time I spent chasing A around that just wasn't going to happen.  Instead I made an effort to get highest priority stuff done first and work from there.  Once T was born I expected that he would need to be held and nursed a lot. As such, when he occasionally wanted to be set down to stare at toys or the dust bunnies under the couch it was a welcome surprise instead of a relief.  I also expected him to go through 12-18 diapers a day at first which meant that when he was regularly using 18-24 I just sighed and threw another load in the wash (we use cloth diapers, in case you somehow didn't know that) instead of wondering why my baby was peeing every 20 minutes (well, I also realized that this was probably due to the fact that he was also nursing every 20 minutes).  I expected that A would have a hard time adjusting to having to share her time with me so I dusted off my carriers and made sure to do lots of stuff with her while T napped on my chest.  Because I expected these things it really didn't seem like that big a deal to take my newborn and not-quite-two-year-old to the grocery store (well, that and the fact that I just strapped him to my chest and continued life).  After all, it was a bit of a pain logistically, but the alternative was not having food in the house which would be even more of a pain.  The things that I expected I could prepare for physically, emotionally and logistically.

A playing at the turtle pond while T napped on my chest.

What did throw me for a loop were the things that I didn't expect.  I didn't expect that my labor with T would go so fast that my mom wouldn't even have a chance to start driving down from her house 2 hours away before I had him (thankfully we had wonderful neighbors who watched A for us until my mom made it down, I'm sad that they have since moved).  I really didn't expect that after a short and comparatively** easy labor and delivery I would have some complications that make a full recovery take weeks.  What I really didn't expect was that when I woke up the morning after T was born feeling great and wanting nothing more than to go home to see my husband and daughter that I would have to stay two more days because T was jaundiced.  Honestly, those two days were probably harder than any other two days together since he was born and I think it is because an extended hospital stay was the one thing I didn't expect.  I didn't expect that I wouldn't be able to go home to see my girl or that my new son wouldn't be able to wear the cute little hat I knit him because all of his skin would need to be exposed for the lights to work.  I didn't expect that after a VBAC we would wind up staying at the hospital almost as long as I did after my c-section.  I didn't expect that my mom would have to be watching A for that long while recovering from gallbladder surgery or that I wouldn't be able to bring her new grandson home for her birthday.

If you look closely you can still see the yellow around his eyes.

Once I talked to the doctors and the nurses and the lactation consultants I was able to get my expectations in line, however.  I was able to see the silver lining and make the best of everything.  I was able to enjoy the quiet hours I spent laying there with T under the lights*** bonding with my new baby in the same quiet way I had bonded with my older one.  I was able to rejoice in the fact that the degree I had never actually finished had still given me the knowledge to speak intelligently with the doctors and nurses about the treatment and how to make it work for our family and our baby.  Most of all, I had time to just be and recover in ways that I never would have had were I at home with A wanting me to read just one more story and instead had time to lay there and read my own stories on my Kindle.

The two of us under the lights.

This last year has taught me a lot.  I have learned how to better juggle my life.  I have learned just how much my almost-three-year-old can do to help and just how strong her will can be.  I have learned just how fast a baby can crawl when he really wants to get to something before you can stop him.  I have learned how much a barely-one-year-old can get into when his big sister is there to "help".  I have learned how amazing it is to watch children grow and learn every day.  I have learned how frustrating it can be when nothing goes the way you plan.  I have learned how to let go and enjoy what I can.  But most of all, I have learned the power of expectations and how they can shape our lives for better or worse.

He climbed up on his own and got down safely.  I was
standing by just in case.

* I don't want to hear any complaints about my lack of blogging or pictures.  As much as I love writing, I've been rather busy lately and my family comes first.
**Compared to A's birth.  Honestly, even with the issues I had later, T's birth and the recovery after was way easier than A's.  But that is a story for another day (if I ever find time).  All I will say is that I prefer natural childbirth to a c-section any day of the week even though I am really, really thankful for the doctor that delivered A and kept us both safe.
*** The standard way to do phototherapy is to keep the baby in a bassinet under UV lights.  However, T would not have any of that and would scream his little lungs out and refuse to nurse which just made stuff worse.  The solution that we found with the help of a very helpful lactation consultant was for him to lay next to me while I was awake and to put the lights over both of us.  Since I was nearby he stayed much calmer and was even able to nurse under the lights which would not have been possible with the standard protocol.  This solution is not for everyone, but it worked really well for us and I am thankful for the staff that helped make it happen.

{this moment}

{this moment} - Inspired by Soulemama. In her words: A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you want to participate head over to her blog and enjoy!

Flats Challenge Day 3 - For the Love of Flats!

For those of you who somehow missed it, I am participating in the 2nd Annual Flats and Handwashing Challenge.  If you want details click the link, but basically everyone who is participating (almost 500 households) agrees to use flat diapers that are then handwashed and air dried for a week.  Each day those of us with blogs try to talk about the same topic so that we can all share our ideas and learn from each other.  The topic for Day 3 is "How do you use your flats?".

Being me, I assumed that this question was asking what your favorite folds are which I briefly touched on in my last post (origami for T and pad fold for A).  However, when I started looking around I saw that this post could be a lot more broad.  The topic isn't just flats this week, but flats in general.  That is a topic I can really get behind (please pardon the pun).

Tired boy models the origami fold.

While flats may not be me normal "go to" diaper, they do see a lot of use in our house.  How hard our water is seems to change a couple of times a year and when that happens I have to adjust my washing routine for my diapers.  While I'm figuring out what's wrong I switch over to flats because they are the easiest to get clean and the fastest to get dry.  If I can get any diaper clean and dry quickly it will be flats.  My cotton prefolds are next on the list (and my general favorite), but they are still harder to wash and slower to dry than the flats.  I also love flats for when my baby is in between sizes of diapers.  When the infant prefolds were just a touch too small and the next size up was still rather giant, flats fill the gap.  When A became a supersoaker and was leaking out of her diaper at night a folded up flat provided the extra absorbency we needed to save the sheets.  Flats are also really breathable so when we have had problems with diaper rash a flat with a wool cover gave our kids the air their bums needed to heal.

A much younger A sporting a flat and shorties during last
year's challenge. We use the same set-up for rashes.

However, the place we use flats most often is as a backup against running out.  A despises disposables and refuses to wear them.  Now that she is verbal she claims that they hurt, especially when she pees.  Because of this we can't really plan to buy disposables if we run out of diapers due to lack of planning.  We keep a few flats and two one-size covers in the car in case we run out while running errands or visiting friends and we keep a stack of flats in the house in case we get behind on laundry.  We try not to need these back-ups, but when we need them it is nice to know we have them.  I especially love that I don't have to worry about leaving A in a wet diaper if she uses her last one when we are at a friend's house or carrying a half naked T in to the laundry room because I didn't realize until it was too late that I hadn't pulled the diapers out of the dryer yet.

A still loves her flats, this time in her training
pants!

How about you?  Do you use flats in every day life?  If so, how?  Click here to read everyone else's answers.

Flats Challenge Day 2 - What Am I Using?

As I said yesterday, I am participating in the 2nd Annual Flats and Handwashing Challenge.  Basically everyone agrees to use flat cloth diapers and then to handwash and air dry them for a week.  If you want to hear more about the challenge follow the link above.  As part of the challenge anyone who has a blog is encouraged to discuss a variety of topics in an effort to get the information out where anyone can see it and make it easier for us all to help each other.  The hope is that if one person is having problems they will be able to blog surf a bit and find a place where someone else has posted a solution.  These posts are also nice to refer back to later on if you wind up in a situation where you are having to start from scratch or run into a problem.  All that being said, today's (well, really yesterday's, but I'm running behind) topic is "supplies" so I'll blather on about mine :)

Since I did the challenge last year and cloth diaper normally I already had everything I needed.  Well, actually, I have WAY more than I really need :)  That said, I'll do my best to lay out exactly what I'm actually using this year in hopes that it will help someone else who is buying a stash for the first time.  The supplies really fall into two categories, diapers and washing supplies.  Since I have two kids that are very different ages I'll lay out what I'm using for each.

The diapers and wipes are folded and ready to go.

T. is 9 months old and is still very much in the traditional diaper phase.  For him I am using the Ikea "burp cloths" that I bought last year for the challenge.  I have 24 of these, but am not coming close to using all of them.  I think if I had to do it again I would only buy 15-18 of these and I know that in a pinch I could get away with 12.  I am using the origami fold with these and securing them with a snappi and then putting a waterproof cover over them.  I use onesize covers and both he and A are currently in the same size so I have WAY more covers than I need.  I think I could get by pretty reasonably with 4-5 covers and have managed with 3 in a pinch.  The brands we like are Thirsties Duo, Bummis Super Bright and Blueberry covers, but both of my kids are long and skinny so we really need that double gusset.  We are also using cloth wipes from Green Mountain Diaper and with two kids and washing daily we'd probably be okay with 24 wipes.  That's it, diapers, wipes, covers and a snappi...pretty simple really.  I also use some fleece liners, but this is just microfleece that I found on clearance and cut to size, nothing special and $4 worth of fleece got me more liners than I can ever use.

The flat on the left is folded to the same size as the original
insert on the right.

When it came to figuring out diapers for A. I was a little more worried.  She is 2.5 years old, very active and in the process of potty training.  She still needs something when we are out and about or when she's sleeping, but whatever she's wearing has to be easy to pull up and down in case she suddenly realizes she needs to go.  We'd been using the Flip Trainers which are nice because they have a wipe-clean reusable shell and a bunch of cotton inserts so you can get away with fewer pairs.  The insert is held in place with velcro which my active toddler really needs to keep everything from shifting.  I tried pad folding the Ikea flats we are using for T, but they kept bunching.  I tried the Flour Sack Towels I got from Target last year and had the same problem.  Then I remembered the Gerber Flats that I'd been given at my baby shower before A was born.  They are small, overpriced and not terribly absorbent, but they also have a looser weave than anything else I had.  I pad folded one to the same size as the insert and gave it a try and sure enough it worked!  The weave is loose enough that they stick and the lack of absorbency doesn't matter so much when it is just meant as a back-up.  I will say that we have had one leak when A. wet her bed this morning, but as she normally wakes up dry I am going to consider that a fluke.  We actually started using this system over the weekend and last night was the only time we've had a problem with it.  We are using two of the Flip shells and going through about 3 Gerber Flats per day.  Since the Gerber flats come in packs of 10 (I think) you should be plenty fine with just the one pack.

A wanted to help with the washing.

The final category is washing supplies.  For this I'm keeping stuff pretty simple.  I throw the dirty diapers directly into a 5 gallon bucket that has a lid (I dump any poop into the toilet first, but a quick shake of the fleece liner and it comes right off).  Once the bucket is half full I switch it out for a new bucket (I have two and they are worth every penny) and start the diapers in the old bucket soaking.  I use a cheap plunger with holes drilled in it for agitation, Charlie's Soap and Oxiclean for washing and a clothesline in the backyard for drying.  I'll go into details in another post, but this set-up when combined with the hot and windy weather we've been having has made it a lot easier than I remembered.  I think the secret is the second bucket because it means that I'm not under any pressure to finish the wash cycle before I can change the next diaper.

Here is a short list for a toddler and a baby for those that just want to skim:
18-24 Ikea "burp cloths"
1 pack Gerber Flats
4-6 PUL covers
2 Flip Trainer Shells
24 GMD wipes
24 homemade fleece liners
2 5-gallon buckets
1 plunger with holes in it
clothes line
medium wetbag for when you out and about, though a plastic grocery bag will work if needed.

That's it.  Really, that's all I'm using to diaper 2 kids and the crazy thing is that those supplies would last me for both kids from birth to potty training if they had to.  If you want to see what everyone else is using head over to the main page for Day 2.

It's That Time Again!!!

Time for what you ask?  The 2nd Annual Flats and Handwashing Challenge is happening this week and I've decided to attempt it.  I did it last year and we managed to finish despite a daytrip and a stomach bug that ran through the family that week.  Last year I learned that handwashing really wasn't that bad.  I even learned that since I live in a warm, dry place with hard water I am able to get cleaner diapers faster when I handwash them and dry them outside in the sun.  All in all I considered it a success and while I wasn't about to sell my washing machine I knew that I could use flats and handwash them if I ever needed to.  This was especially reassuring because my daughter A. refuses to to use disposable diapers because she claims that they hurt (or did the last time we tried one on her over a year ago).

Now I bet you are asking yourself if everything went so well last year then why am I even hesitating this year?  Why am I saying that I am "attempting" the challenge instead of assuming that I'm going to do this no problem?  Well, there are a couple of things going on.  First of all, last year I only had one baby in diapers and that baby was a toddler who really didn't use that many diapers.  This year I have a not quite potty trained toddler and a baby who goes through a lot of diapers.  The second reason is that we have plans for family fun  during the challenge and having to take the time to handwash diapers would get in the way.  The third reason is that while A is getting pretty good at using the potty, she still needs training pants and I couldn't figure out how to make that work with flats and didn't terribly want to handwash those.  The bottom line is that I've gotten lazy.  Yup, that's right, I said it, I'm worried that I'm too lazy to complete the challenge this year...

Who can argue with these cute diapers for a baby boy?

The more I thought about it the more I realized that this is exactly why I need to try it.  So many women don't get the chance to be lazy and I just need to suck it up and deal.  I complain that it's a pain to wash diapers when all I have to do is throw them in the washing machine and push a few buttons.  I complain that it is a pain to go to the grocery store with both kids when I can load them in the car and drive.  I need to stop complaining!  I don't know if I will manage to complete the challenge or not this year, but I do hope I will remind myself of how lucky I am and stop complaining so much.  I am hoping that by doing so I will be a better wife and mother.  Wish me luck, I think I'm going to need it.

Turns out the overpriced Gerber flats work just fine as inserts
in her normal training pants.

If you want to learn more you can explore some of the links below or click here for the main post and to link up yourself.

{PHFR}

For quite a while now I have been reading a blog called Like Mother, Like Daughter. It isn't a professional blog, but instead started out as the blog that one family used to share with each other. I don't know how I found it and as far as I know I have never met any of the wonderful women who post to it, but I absolutely love being able to see this part of their life. I also love all the great ideas and advice that show up. This blog (and a few others) has really helped me to be a better wife and mother for which I am thankful. One of the things that they do every week is called "Pretty, Happy, Funny, Real" which encourages everyone to look for these things in their own lives and share them. I am finally participating, hope you enjoy.

{Pretty}

This picture was taken at the local botanical garden. It is absolutely beautiful this time of year, but unfortunately the camera battery died after this picture so it is all you get.

{Happy}

How could this picture be anything other than "happy"?

This was taken first thing in the morning the other day. I think I had left T. playing in his crib while I started some laundry and walked back in to find this. A. knows she isn't allowed to climb into the crib so she was doing the next best thing by holding his hand and talking to him.

{Funny}

Ever since A was born we have tried to keep the cats away from the babies while they were sleeping. Marco (our brown tabby) is okay with that since he prefers adults anyway, but Max has always taken issue with our stance. He is the cat that really would prefer to sleep in the crib with the baby and the reason we keep A's door closed at night. We have finally given up with T. though because he loves Max even more than A. does. I had to run out of the room to help A with something just as I was putting T down for his nap and when I came back 5 minutes later this is what I found. T. had fallen to sleep gazing at and petting Max while being soothed by the purring. That is a hard thing to argue with, though it pretty funny to see them curled up together :)

Even funnier (to me at least) is this picture. I had gone to a baby shower and the guests were sent home with some ballons for their kids. It was an evening shower and I got home while A was in the bath asking DH if she could please have some balloons. She had no idea what was waiting for her in the living room, but was so excited she ran to play with them while still dripping wet.

{Real}

My girl is growing up. She is fighting naps (even when she needs them), has decided pony tails are where it's at and is helping in the kitchen. She is definitely two with all the highs and lows that come with that.

{this moment}

{this moment} - Inspired by Soulemama. In her words: A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you want to participate head over to her blog and enjoy!

{this moment}

{this moment} - Inspired by Soulemama. In her words: A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you want to participate head over to her blog and enjoy!

{this moment}

{this moment} - Inspired by Soulemama. In her words: A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you want to participate head over to her blog and enjoy!

{this moment} - A Double Dose

{this moment} - Inspired by Soulemama. In her words: A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you want to participate head over to her blog and enjoy!

{this moment}

{this moment} - Inspired by Soulemama. In her words: A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you want to participate head over to her blog and enjoy!

{this moment}

{this moment} - Inspired by Soulemama. In her words: A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you want to participate head over to her blog and enjoy!

Time Marches On

When I graduated from high school my dad and I went backpacking to celebrate. It wasn't just any trip either, we went all the way up to Wyoming and backpacked through areas he and his friends had visited back when they were young and stationed nearby. Since I didn't have a good pair of boots and was missing some other equipment we stopped at a sporting goods store in Denver he had frequented back then and I found a pair of boots that was just right.

The boots were perfect; they fit just right and were on sale to boot.

I wore the boots for that trip as we hiked up, down and through the Wind River. I was wearing them when I saw my first moose in the wild and when we set-up my new tent in a hurry because a rainstorm was blowing in fast. I wore them for hikes with my dad closer to home and I took them with me when I went off to college. I wore them for field trips when I was studying Wildlife Science. These were the boots I wore the day my whole class woke up to sheets of ice covering our tents at a wildlife refuge in New Mexico. They were the boots I wore on a three day trip to Organ Pipe and down into Mexico. They took me over hills and down into valleys in search of birds, plants, and animals that we were studying. In college I also met a guy that I kinda liked who had been in Boy Scouts as a kid and a teen. We talked about hiking, camping and backpacking along with other things. We started dating, but he wasn't exactly great at figuring out where to take me for a date other than out to dinner. Eventually he suggested we go hiking together so he could show me some of the local trails and I wore those boots for what was probably the first date we went on that was more than sharing a meal. As time passed I introduced him to dispersed camping and we explored some of the local trails together. Eventually that guy became my husband and he learned that anytime I was having a bad day the best thing he could do was toss me my boots and day pack and take me for a hike or even send me out on my own*. I wore those boots when we were hiking every weekend even after I got pregnant with A. and they helped me keep my balance the whole time. Having kids might put a damper on the time outdoors for some, but we did our best to just bring the kid(s) along. Through the years I kept wearing those same boots my dad had gotten me when I graduated high school. They were starting to get worn, but they still did the job. I wore them for A's first camping trip and when we took her on hikes in the nearby mountains. After T. was born we haven't been as good about hiking so my poor boots have had to sit in the closet. Over the weekend the weather was beautiful so we called up some friends and met for T's first hike. Yesterday I realized just how worn my boots had gotten. The soles are as slick as tennis shoes thanks to the hundreds of miles that they have walked with me. The upper on one is torn because these are, after all, over ten years old. I have replaced the insoles at least twice, but they have lost a lot of the support they used to offer. I made a mental note to start looking for a good price on boots since new boots (at least ones that will last me another ten years) are pretty well out of my price range. Then, last night we stopped at REI on the way home because my husband needed to run in for something real quick. When he was there he noticed that they had a bunch of shoes and boots leftover from the REI garage sale preview event over the weekend including some Vibrams that he thought might fit me. Since both kids were asleep in the backseat he stayed in the car while I ran in...I didn't see any Vibrams in my size, but I did notice a nice pair of boots. I looked at the tag and they had been marked down from $175 to $65 because they had been worn outside. I checked the soles and they were dusty but brand new. I wavered for a minute because $65 was more than I was planning to spend right then, but I knew it was a good deal for the boots. After a minute I decided to at least try them on and found that they fit perfectly. They didn't have insoles, but I use prescription orthotics in my hiking boots anyway and I happened to be wearing my old boots and hiking socks since we were just coming back from a hike. Sure enough they fit perfectly and when I put the boots on they fit my feet perfectly too. I decided to bite the bullet and buy them anyway, but I knew I would have to hurry as the kids (and hubby) wouldn't be happy sitting in the car waiting for me too much longer. I ran down the the register and when they rang them up I learned the true price...you see, the sale had ended the day before and they just wanted to be rid of them. I bought a new pair of boots for $10.85 plus tax!

I love my new boots and can't wait to take them out next weekend, but at the same time I can't help feeling like it is the end of an era in some ways. My old boots are trashed, you can zoom in on the first picture and see that, but they have also been my boots for over a decade. They have served me well in times of stress and transition. They have seen me through all the major transitions in my life. They where there when I left my parent's home and made a place for myself in the grown up world. They were there when I was figuring out how to deal with a roommate I didn't like and when I met my husband (who I like rather a lot). They were there when I needed to stomp through the woods for class field trips because I decided to study wildlife science instead of engineering. They let my husband and I go on fun (and free) dates through our courtship and early in our marriage. They were on my feet when A was driving me nuts with teething. They have made it easier for me to introduce the wonders of the outdoors to my kids. Maybe I'm a little overly sentimental, but I will miss these boots...I'm looking forward to all the hikes and memories that my new boots take me on though. Here's to hoping that the new boots will see as many miles and memories as the old ones.

* Please note that it isn't a good idea to go hiking on your own unless you know what you are doing and are properly prepared. Just having a cell phone when you are in a remote area is not enough as you may not have service. Please remember to hike safely at all times.